Consequences

[Azdgari]

This is a short little one-shot I noodled around with over vacation, about Firestar's character Kaz. It's my take on what happened when he was caught stealing a second time. I took creative liberty with the name 'Sheikh' because just referring to him as 'the king' got really repetitive. xP

This isn't by any means canon to Kaz or Firestar or anything, just my interpretation of Kaz and how that scene could've happened. Enjoy. =]

Consequences

--

I guess this is the part where I’m supposed to break down and beg for mercy, I reflected, lifting my eyes to see the king: my judge, jury, and soon to be executioner.

I was silent and resolute.

Sheikh lurched upward in his throne, the spark of recognition igniting in his eyes. With it arose a tempest of anger, confusion, and a hint of disappointment. His powerful, regal shoulders squared towards me, he intoned his anger. “You’ve stolen from me a second time, Kazumi,” he growled. His voice was grave, fatal, deciding. He heaved a deep sigh of frustration.

The clouds watched raptly from overhead, their glum grey hues threatening to voice their disapproval with a bout of tears. The sun was barely visible under its gloomy blanket, no more than a splotch of brightness hopelessly stifled.

I haven’t done anything wrong. I didn’t steal for myself. If your pride was starving and you saw your family and friends growing thinner day by day until they were no more than outlines, you’d do the same thing. I’ve always done whatever it takes to provide for them. This isn’t my maiden voyage into this territory. Nor is it my first time butchering things here. The first time I got away. I was just a cub then, albeit a jaded and weathered one. I rode the King’s mercy back home, express route. But even though I got home unscathed, I couldn’t stand that feeling of letting everyone down.

I guess I’m a little too hard on myself. They weren’t disappointed in me. They were thankful, thankful that I’d made it back alive, even if I didn’t have food. But it still felt like failure. They needed me and I couldn’t come through for them.

Now I’ve fallen short again, and this time mercy is about as likely as the stars falling out of the sky.

It was a warped version of a common family scene: the cub caught munching on a kill before dinner, a parent wrathfully descending to scold him. The king lifted himself up off his throne, brandishing a jagged claw. The evening sun caught the ivory, painting it in glorious crimson even before it had done its bloody work.

In spite of myself, I was afraid. At first just a sharp jab, the fear slowly draped itself over my shoulders, perched itself on my head, smeared itself across my pelt. I was determined not to show it; my face remained impeccably stoic. As he lunged forward with all the authority of death itself, I let my eyelids slide down. I’ll miss everyone. I hope you guys are alright without me, I thought to myself quietly, then waited for the end.

When his talon pierced my cheek, I let out a howl, almost as much out of surprise as pain. Almost. His talon felt like a white hot flame as it swiftly carved once, then twice. I wrenched my eyes open and saw that he’d stepped back, his bloody claw retracted. I felt an angry gash beneath both eyes, each dribbling a steady rivulet of thick scarlet tears.

He caught my gaze and held it with a vice grip. “Make no mistake, Kaz,” he growled, “If head or tail of you is seen in our territory again, you’ll be killed. No questions asked.” I took his threat unflinchingly, but underneath my impassive armor each of those words was another one of his scalding claws, tearing at my inside. A burning feeling in my gut to match the burning feeling etched on my cheeks. His eyes narrowed. “Now get out of my sight,” he snarled with an air of disgust, turning back to his throne. My heart pounding and threatening to burst out of my chest, I spun around and dashed away.

The landscape raced past me, a mottled blur of green and tan speckled with the black and white of a zebra or the grey of a rhino. As I ran, I couldn’t help but feel relief begin to overcome fear, and with it rose a sense of hope. I was going to see my friends and my family again. I’d made it out alive, a second time. And I wasn’t going to be stupid enough to try for a third.

I was shaken from my brief, sunny reverie by the whimpers of a cub. Skidding to a halt, I made out a cub not more than a few months old stranded in the higher branches of an Acacia. He was brown and scraggly with timid green eyes that whipped around fearfully, unable to escape from the clutches of the tree.

I scampered over. In moments I was nearing the top, navigating the maze of leaves and branches with the elastic ease borne of a childhood spent scaling acacias. I clambered up to his level and met his terrified gaze with one of quiet compassion. His eyes widened momentarily in surprise, seeing not a thief or a criminal, but a savior. Feeling the weight of the cub’s trust, I leaned my neck over to his branch and gently picked him up by the nape of the neck, ferrying him to safety in my jaws. I lowered him onto his backside at the base of the tree. “You should go home,” I advised in a brotherly way. “Sheikh is probably getting worried about you.”

The cub, shy as a chipmunk, nodded and scurried back towards the inner territory. Shaking my head to myself, I felt a hint of a smile grace my muzzle. Cubs… they can get up, but they never think about coming down. Feeling the stare of the stars on my back, urging me to return home, I turned and continued on my journey back.

Let no good deed go unpunished.

[YFWE]

I think what I loved most about this was your diction. I think your word choice, not only here but in general, is simply impeccable. There's a lot of words in here that give your language a sort-of lofty feel, but not lofty in the snooty sense; rather, lofty in the bookish, Decemberists, I-drink-tea-and-read-poetry-all-day way. It's really a true treat to be able to follow through and read language like this, where the writer doesn't take the easy way out and choose his or her words carefully. I'd actually venture to say that of all the writers currently on this site, your word choice is the best. So, bravo!

With the story contents, of course we're not going to be too knowledgeable or as interested here with the characters since it's OC-based rather than with a plethora of canon characters. This is a common problem I think many fanfics run into and suffer in terms of readership as a result, no matter how good or bad the story is. I think yours is a bit different though, because the characters actually seem not only real, but characters that I actually want to give a damn about. They're not some throwaway OCs like I touched upon when I was talking about Power, but characters you actually can sorta identify with and care about, even with the brief length of this story.

Plus, I think this was just clever all around. They say the rest of the story is only as good as your beginning and ending sentences, and while the opening lines are good, I think the ending lines are truly great. You read it and, behind the moral sense of the words, you actually have a bit of a feeling of closure with the story. As in, we've learned something here, I feel good for reading this, this was great!

And it WAS great! A very solid piece of writing. Exemplary job as always!

[xLilacVixenx]

I've decided to do more formal reviews from now on; I hope you don't mind. (:


This story is brilliant and clever in every aspect. Every detail that could have gone unnoticed was carefully scripted into this beautiful work of art, if I do say so myself. I found absolutely no grammer, spelling, or puncuation errors in the whole one-shot. And every view of something was written out, so that the reader has more knowledge of what's happening.

Also, the story holds a moral lesson. Every bad deed must have a punishment. Unfortunately, I was sorry that Kaz was treated pretty unfairly, but that's just me. I always root for the good guy. Getting back to subject, you exposed every emotion running in the keeper's head and made it blossom into an array of excellent details. I can't even explain how much you have inspired me; I can't even find the right words to review this one-shot, so all I can say is simply: this is the best work I have seen in years.

As I said, you inspire me in every aspect, Azdgari. You deserve a gold medal. *Bows head fervently*

[Azdgari]

Thanks very much, both of you! I'm glad you enjoyed it (even though I practically threatened to kill you if you didn't xP) and thanks for taking the time to write such a nice review. It really does mean a lot to me to hear that from such a talented writer like you. ^^

And thank you as well Vix! I'm glad you enjoyed it and thank you for reading. D'aah, I'm blushing. x3

[K0PA]

absolutely superb