Remembrance of Zed

Remembrance of Zed

Postby DGFone » August 14th, 2012, 6:48 pm

Here is version 3 of Remembrance of Zed! As of now, it is... 4853 words long (9 pages). And to think that I originally wrote if for the 2000 word writing contest. XD Yeah, this version is the version to enjoy. Apart from being shorter, there is nothing better in the writing contest abridged story (writing contest 9). Because it is so long, even quite longer than version 2 that I released, that I have now placed it in a spoiler box. I feel like this version is quite better than even my second edit, and therefore I don't see a reason to keep that one - I will override it with the new edit. Which is here:

Remembrance of Zed: show
[quote]
Remembrance of Zed

Simba chased after the zebra fowl in a game of tag, ignoring the yellow grass as it sped past his head. “You know I'm going to catch you, Zed!” Simba shouted after the running herbivore. “Sooner or later, I'm going to get you!” He lowered his head and put on some extra speed, hoping to catch up. The cub knew that if he will not catch up soon, Zed will be able to continue running off while Simba will tire out and have to stop.

Moving through the savanna, Simba found himself edging closer to Zed. He braced his muscles and with one last burst of speed, covered the last short distance between him and his target, and jumped onto Zed's back, sending the two of the rolling and crashing into the ground in a dusty heap.

“Gotcha!”

The two of them laughed as Simba separated himself from Zed's limbs and allowed the zebra to get back to its feet. Simba gasped for air, hardly able to remain standing after the chase. “I got you, Zed!”

Zed grinned at Simba. “Yeah, but you don't look like much yourself,” he replied, standing up straight and smug. He might have lost the chase, but unlike Simba, he was all ready to run again, while Simba looked like he was ready to fall over from even the slightest breath of wind. Just for fun, Zed reached out with a hoof and gently pushed Simba, who fell over even from such a light hearted nudge. The zebra laughed as the cub took his time getting back up, resting on the ground as not to give Zed another opportunity for him to push Simba over.

“So you think Nala is easier to beat?” Zed asked, “kinda bad that she couldn't come today. It'll be fun to beat on of you lions. Because you, I can beat some of the times, but Nala, she-”

“Yeah, Nala's slower,” Simba said, still out of breath. “it's what I know I'm better than her at. But you wouldn't want to lose to her. She may be slower, but she can pin you before you will even know what happened...”

Zed grinned. “Bet you she pins you all the time!” While he didn't know that Nala did in fact pin Simba all the time, the way Simba talked sure made it sound like it.

Simba turned bright red. “No she doesn't!” He automatically shouted, denying the fact that he would lose to a girl, but stopped. “Alright, she does. I keep trying to get back at her, and... I don't know how she does it, but I can never pin her.” His face burned with embarrassment, and he turned away.

Zed laughed again. “Relax. I'm sure you will get her one day,” he said, “although I would appreciate it if you won't get me... You can practice on Nala all you want. Not on me though.”

Simba laughed at the joke. “Relax, Zed. I won't.” He was about to say something else when Zed's name was called, and the zebra turned his head towards the herd that was nearby. Two adult zebra were watching them from the edge, no doubt Zed's parents.

“Sorry Simba, I have to go now,” he said, tapping the ground with a hoof nervously, “mom and dad will get mad at me if I don't come back soon.”

Simba nodded. “Alright. Catch ya later?”

Zed chuckled loudly as he turned and bounded off towards the herd. “Not if I can help it!”

00000

Simba lay semiconscious, in Sarabi's arms, shivering violently and gasping for air as Rafiki hovered over him. A few days ago, he suddenly fell sick, and was having a hard time recovering. Even under the care of the mandrill, Sarabi and Mufasa were extremely worried that their son might not make it through.

As Simba let out another labored cough, Sarabi looked up anxiously at the shaman. “Please, there must be something we can do!” she pleaded, not daring to imagine what would happen if Simba stopped breathing. She hated feeling so helpless, unable to do anything but lie in the dark den with Mufasa and Simba, and worry about which moment might be Simba's last.

Rafiki shook his head. “Der is nothin' I can do for him now,” he said quietly, “I did all I could, but de herbs can only do so much. Simba needs rest... rest and strength to fight back de sickness.”

Mufasa glanced nervously at Simba again. “But he's already resting all he could... There needs to be something else we can do! There must be! I mean look at him! He's- He's-” Mufasa fell silent as Sarabi pressed her head against his, groaning quietly as the thought of Simba dying crossed both of their minds.

Rafiki sighed and examined the cub yet again. Simba barely seemed to notice as Rafiki rolled him around onto his back. The shaman then placed a hand on Simba's belly, feeling the area around it. “When was de last time he ate?” the mandrill asked.

Sarabi thought back. “Before he fell sick...” she finally whispered, “we feared that the last meal he ate might have been the cause of this... And right now non of the herds are in any hunting territories. We will break several treaties if we hunt now, and that will cause all sorts of trouble...”

Rafiki shook his head, cutting her off. “He needs to eat. If he is to live, he needs more strength den he has now.”

Sarabi nodded, understanding. “Alright. I will go. I will lead a hunting party.” She hoped that whatever they will catch, the herd won't argue too much. Simba's life depended on it, and Sarabi knew that whatever will happen, there will be a lot of apologizing to do later on. Hopefully, the reaction won't be too bad. Sarabi looked at Mufasa. “Take care of him.” She passed Simba over to Mufasa, who took their son and carefully wrapped him with his paws. “If anything happens,” Sarabi said, pausing as she fought back her fears, “send Zazu to go and get me. Don't... Don't surprise me. I won't be able to handle it.”

She got up and gave Simba a lick across his body, shivering with discomfort at the feel of all the heat radiating from his fevered body. “Stay strong, Simba,” she whispered, “for all of us. We need you...” She doubted that he heard her, and after she gave Mufasa a long nuzzle as a goodbye, she walked out of the dark den, giving one last worried glance at Simba as she passed the entrance and into the open night.

0000

“Simba, wake up. We caught you some food... Rafiki says you need to eat... Wake up... please...”

Simba groaned and slowly opened his eyes, trying to blink away the burning feeling that made it hard to see as his eyes watered. “Mom? But, I'm not hungry,” he whispered. He felt to horrible, and all he wished for was for the pain to go away. “I just want to sleep.”

Sarabi let out a sigh of relief when Simba spoke back. “Rafiki says you need to eat,” she said, “come on, I'll take you outside to the food. And the fresh air will be good for you.” Gently, Sarabi picked Simba up from Mufasa's paws and carried him outside to where the hunting part carried to kill to.

Simba winced when Sarabi picked him up, as now even the smallest of changes caused him pain now. Eventually, she placed him on the ground next to the zebra calf that the party had caught. Simba was about to take a bite when his eyes fell on the calf's head, and his eyes widened in recognition. Feeling even sicker with nausea, Simba tried to back away, tripping over his legs and falling on the cold rock. “I... I can't!” he whimpered, motioning at the kill. “I know him! He's... he's my friend!” He felt tears start flowing from his eyes, and he turned away, trying to crawl away to a more suitable place where he can throw up whatever was left inside of him.

Sarabi looked at her son with concern, moving her gaze to Mufasa who had emerged from the den from the commotion. “It was the only thing we can catch,” she pleaded with the king, “and I didn't know- if only -” Not only were everyone tired from the hunt, her especially so, but the herds were not at all pleased to get ambushed. It would take a long time for the pride to regain the trust lost tonight.

Mufasa shook his head, motioning that he did not blame her. “Let me try talking to him. He'll understand.” He walked over to Simba, who was crying against a wall of Pride Rock. “Simba... Sarabi didn't know that he was your friend. We needed to get meat for you... Rafiki says that if you don't eat... that you can die.” He gently hugged his son, trying to comfort Simba. “You are very ill, and we're doing whatever we can to try and help you. But sometimes, things that we don't plan for happen. She didn't want to hunt your friend... she didn't know. Non of us did.”

Simba sniffed into his father's foreleg. “But Zed was my friend,” he whimpered, “I promised him that I will never eat him! I promised him that as long as I was around, he would be safe! And now... now he's dead!”

Mufasa smiled warmly at his son, glad to hear that Simba was already getting along well with regular subjects of the kingdom. “And it's a noble promise to keep,” he replied, “but as much as I hate to say it, and I know what I told you about how it's important to keep promises, sometimes you simply can't.” He motioned at Zed's body. “Would you want us to go and catch something else? You won't have to eat your friend, but it will mean that we will have to go on another hunt...” At this, several of the lionesses couldn't stop themselves from groaning at the thought of having to hunt again.

Simba shook his head. “No, don't do it.” In his mind, he was already going through what Mufasa will most likely tell him in a future lesson. That going on another hunt will be a waste. Simba looked over at Zed's body, feeling conflicted. He didn't know if he could bring himself to eat his friend, but he knew that he will need to, sooner or later. We already made the kill, he imagined Mufasa explaining, not to eat Zed would be wasteful. It would unbalance the circle of life.

Simba turned his head back to his father. “I- Zed always told me how he wanted to be like me. But now... Now he can be part of me.” But even as he said this, Simba felt like he was repeating one of Mufasa's lessons. Despite this, he allowed Mufasa to carry him over to Zed's body, and carefully looked over it. Even though he hardly knew anything about hunting yet, Zed's expression was calm, and Simba was able to tell that he was killed quickly and suffered little if any pain at all. Simba placed a paw on his friend's body, shuddering at the unnatural cold. It was completely different than when he last felt Zed after another game of tag, with Zed being much warmer and alive.

Opening his mouth, Simba was about to take a bit when he lost his will and closed his jaws, lowering his head. He shuddered in realization at how much he hoped that Zed would suddenly jump up with a playful cry and laugh at some big prank that everyone pulled on him. But when that didn't happen, Simba knew for certain: Zed was dead. Unable to get himself to eat Zed, Simba turned and crawled back to his parents.

Sarabi pulled Simba into her paws, glancing nervously at Mufasa. “What should we do?” she asked quietly, wincing as Simba shook from a series of coughs. She glanced around at the assembled pride members. Those that had just went hunting with her were looking back nervously, not eager to go and hunt again. She looked back down at Simba. “Please, Simba, you need to go back and eat something... It will make you feel better...”

Simba looked back at Sarabi. After his last series of coughs, he felt like he just wanted to lie down and pass out. But even the thought of feeling better did not stop him from remembering that it will be Zed who he will need to eat. “But he's my friend...” he repeated quietly, his voice sounding weak.

Sarabi grimaced when she heard her son, and how little strength he had left. She once again got up and placed Simba down next to the kill, and gave him a gentle lick. “Please eat... if only for us. We don't want to lose you,” she whispered to him, before walking over to the other lionesses in preparation of another hunt. No matter how much they all hated the idea of going out again tonight, even if she had to do everything herself, Sarabi would make sure that Simba will eat something tonight.

Next to the kill, Simba shivered as the cold air enveloped him instead of Sarabi's warmth. As he looked around to call out for her, he spotted her gathering up some other lionesses and knew that she was about to go off hunting again. This realization sent a burning sense of shame through him, feeling that he would be responsible for forcing others to work so hard... and what for?

He glanced at Zed again. The meat was right there, he can smell it. All he will need to do is reach out and grab the first bite. After it, the rest will be easy... But still, Simba hesitated. He felt like he had betrayed Zed, betrayed him by breaking his promise to keep him safe. Simba lay down on the cold rock, feeling uncertain as to what to do.

When we die, our bodies become the grass. And the antelope eat the grass. So you see, we are all connected... Mufasa's lesson repeated itself randomly through Simba's mind. The cub stared at the meat, knowing logically that, now with Zed dead, eating him will be the best thing to do, but still unable to emotionally bring himself to do so.

Out of the corner of his eye, Simba saw Sarabi and the other lionesses prepare to leave. While Sarabi looked worried but determined, the others looked tired and uncertain. All of them were hesitating, finding reasons to delay the hunt by a moment or two, even Sarabi, who returned to Mufasa's side.

Ever so slowly, the smell of the fresh kill started to make Simba feel dizzy. As much as he hated the idea of eating Zed, the smell of the meat was almost too much to resist... And everyone wanted him to eat anyways... Once again, Mufasa's lessons played themselves in Simba's mind, almost as if they were going to repeat themselves until he understood.

Maybe that was exactly what was happening.

Simba coughed again, and Sarabi was instantly next to him, wrapping her warm paws around him. Looking into her worried eyes, Simba knew what he had to do, even if he didn't understand it yet. Slowly separating himself from her warm embrace, Simba returned to Zed's side. He looked over the body once again, hoping desperately that, even if it will take him a long time, that he will understand one day, and know what Mufasa and everyone else taught him.

“I'm so sorry, Zed,” Simba whispered, and with his eyes closed with dread, he bent down to take his first bite.

000

Several days later, Simba was feeling better enough that he asked Mufasa to take him down to the zebra herds. Despite the king's protests, Simba won out and rode on his father's back down to the savanna. As they approached the herds, the zebra started to pace around them nervously, clearly still agitated from being hunted on what was normally designated as safe lands.

Simba asked Mufasa to let him go and slowly wobbled closer to the herds, who eyes him wearily. Simba stopped when he felt like he couldn't go on anymore, and stared up at the herbivores “I- I'm sorry!” he cried out. “I didn't mean to! Please forgive me!” He collapsed on the ground, to exhausted both physically and mentally to stay standing. Immediately, Mufasa was at his side and nudging him nervously.

From the herds, a pair of zebra approached the lions. Simba looked up at them and recognized them as Zed's parents. He looked away, feeling ashamed, but they simply walked into his field of view again. He closed his eyes, afraid of what they would say. He had no doubt that he broke his promise about keeping Zed safe.

“We forgive you, Simba,” they said softly, “we know you couldn't stop it. And everyone must die eventually. It's the circle of life... and Zed, it might have been to early, but if he had to choose the way to go, we are certain that he would have wanted it to be like this. Zed, he... he saved your life, didn't he?”

Simba looked up at them, and after some hesitation, nodded. He was half expecting them to get angry and attack him, and he was already tensing in preparation to run for his life.

Zed's parents smiled. “He's part of you now,” one of them said, “the future king! We can now say that one day, we will be ruled by non other than our own son!” The mother approached closer to Simba and bent her head down to Simba's level. “I have only one request from you,” she whispered so that only Simba could hear, “don't let my son's death go in vain. Survive. And rules these lands as if everyone in them are your family.”

Simba froze when Zed's mother asked him this, and finally nodded. “I will,” he whispered back. “For Zed.” Even though they didn't seem angry, Simba still felt ashamed to be responsible for their son's death.

The zebra smiled and walked back to the herds, leaving Simba behind. He lay down on the grass, feeling as though all of his energy had left. Mufasa walked over to his side and sat down next to him.

“Ready to go home?”

Simba nodded slightly, and crawled onto Mufasa's back, where he lay down and began to cry, not knowing why talking to Zed's parents left him so devastated.

Gently, Mufasa got up and began the trek back to Pride Rock.

000

Simba, now king, ignored the hot savanna air as he glared at two rogues who were caught intruding the Pride Lands. It appeared that he found them just in time, as they were circling a frightened pair of zebra and their fowl. He looked over them to make sure that they were safe, and froze when he looked at the fowl. It looked just like Zed – Simba recognized the stripe patterns instantly.

Shaking his head to clear the memories of his cub-hood friend, Simba growled and glared at the intruders. “You two. Get out of the Pride Lands!” Inside, he was trembling. Either one of the rogues were bigger than him, and both were strong. If it came to a fight, Simba knew he would lose. Sure, he sent Zazu to get back up, but it might be too late.

Apparently, the rogues knew this as well. “Aww, come on. We're just passing bye,” one of them said cheerfully, “just let us grab one of these zebra here and we'll go without a second thought.”

Simba growled again .”Not a chance. Get. Out.” There was no way that he was going to let that fowl, Zed or not, to die. He already broke his promise once before, and he wouldn't do so again.

One of the rogues sighed, clearly not looking to fight. “Does it always have to come down to violence?” he asked as Simba crouched down defensively. “Just give us the zebra, and we'll go.”

Simba glared at the rogues. “That's not going to happen.” He took in a deep breath as the two rogues turned their full attention to him. He tensed, preparing for the fight, and just as he expected, the two rogues turned and charged at him.

Not only were the rogues bigger and stronger than Simba individually, they knew how to fight too, and well. Almost right away, Simba was sporting several gashes, and it took all his concentration to keep the rogues from biting his head off. “Go! Run!” he shouted at the zebra. Even if it will cost him his life, these rogues will not get the satisfaction of getting the zebra as well. Out of the corner of his eye, Simba saw the herbivores run off towards safety, and he grinned, feeling successful.

The rogues used Simba's distraction as an opportunity and easily shoved him on the ground. “Why didn't you just let us get an easy meal?” one of them asked, glaring at Simba, who stared back with scared eyes. It now dawned on the king that he was staring at a lion who could easily be his murderer.

The rogue knew that Simba had no fight left, and wanted to have some fun, only to hear angry growling emerge from the grass around them. Help had arrived. Knowing that their time had ran out, he bent down and bit Simba hard on the neck.

000

“Never seen anything like it before! Simba never defended anyone that hard before, zebra or not.”

“What about the rogues? What happened to them Nala?”

“We killed them. I originally wanted to just run them off, but the herds... they ambushed the rogues. Completely blocked them off! They even asked us to kill the two, so that they won't terrorize anyone else.”

“I just... he can still die from the fight... All he needed to do was allow the rogues to grab some zebra, and he wouldn't be here, dying!”

“Nala! Don't talk like that! Simba knew what he was doing, and had his reasons for choosing to risk a fight. You know just as well as I that if he had any reasons to hesitate, he would have. Besides, you heard what everyone are saying now. Everyone love Simba now! I've never seen so much respect, not even to Mufasa!”

Simba walked across the Pride Lands, inspecting the lands to make sure that the rogues did not do any permanent damage. All around him, individual animals would nod their heads, bow down to him, or find another way to show their respect and gratitude for him.

Even though he didn't know why, Simba spoke up out loud, talking to Zed, who then also replied back. Simba figured that his friend was hiding in the grass somewhere.

“How are you doing, Zed?”

“I'm doing great, Simba, I can hear you loud and clear! How's it going?”

Simba grinned. “I just got into a huge fight with two rogues. It was a tough fight! And you should've... well, I guess you are not the only one around not have seen it.”

“That's alright, I don't a bit.” Simba heard Zed chuckle briefly. “But I can tell by everyone's reaction that you did well!”

Simba frowned. “Well, not really. I lost... I needed to get some help in the end, and I nearly got killed as well, so...”

“But you're walking around all fine now! That means that you can enjoy being the hero now!”

Simba laughed. “I don't think I'd like that,” he said, “I was just doing my job... Didn't do anything special, and like I said, I lost.”

“Well, in that case there is something you can do for me, Simba.”

“What's that, Zed?”

“Wake up.”

Simba froze in his tracks. “What?”

"Wake up, Simba..."

“Simba, wake up! You need to!”

Simba awoke with a gasp, trying not to whimper from how much his body felt as if it was on fire. He looked over himself, not liking how his body was covered in gashes and bruises he sustained during the brief fight with the rogues. Next to him, Rafiki and the rest of his family sat around him, all looking relieved at seeing him awake.

Nala looked especially happy to see Simba awake. “Simba! Thank goodness! You hadn't woken for days! We were so worried!” She paused, “when I arrived, I feared that I was too late. I carried you to Rafiki's as fast as I could, but even he was worried that it was too late.” She hugged Simba tightly, who cried out in shock and pain, but allowed his mate to embrace him. “Don't scare me like that again!” Nala scolded him, “you should have known that you never had a chance!”

Simba gasped as he tried to control his breathing. Nala's hug had sent a surge of fire burning through him, nearly causing him to black out. “I- I had to!” he protested. “They were going to kill the zebra if I didn't do anything! I had to fight! I knew I would lose... I just hoped that help would arrive before they would kill me...” He looked at Nala. “And you did come, so...”

From the entrance of the den, Zazu coughed loudly to get everyone's attention. “Speaking of zebra, sire, you have some visitors. They insist...”

Simba felt like the den was crowded enough already, but nodded anyways. “Alright, let them in.” He blinked in surprise when Zazu lead two zebra into the den, and he realized after a short while that it was the very animals that the rogues nearly killed.

The zebra stopped near Simba before bowing deeply. “Thank you, sire, for saving our lives.” They looked back up at him, smiling. “If it wasn't for you, we would have surly been killed, as well as our young one.”

Simba grinned back at them, feeling foolish. “It's alright,” he muttered, “rogues' were trespassing anyways. Had to deal with them one way or another.”

The zebra did not buy it. “Not the way you fought,” one of the zebra said, “you were fighting like it was your own son who was in danger. But we – we're not even your family. Why would you risk your life to save us like that? As much as we appreciate it, and believe us, after we explained what happened, you will have a lot of trouble walking around unnoticed for a long time... but with all do respect, look at you! You should have let us get killed and waited until the odds were more in you're favor.” The zebra looked startled at what it just said. “Not that I am advising you on how to run your kingdom, sire! Just a suggestion!”

Simba shook his head. “No, I knew I had to. I made a promise long ago to a dear friend of mine that I will protect him for as long as I live.” Simba grinned. “He was a zebra. Looked a lot like your son... looked just like him, in fact. Same stripes and everything. Well, I failed on that promise. Zed was killed... saved my life in the process, though. I will never forget it...” Simba sighed before smiling again. “Seeing your son in danger earlier today-”

“Three days ago, Simba,” Nala corrected him, clearly disapproving at how casually he was talking about the injuries that could have easily ended his life. “You were out for three days.”

Simba didn't bother to his his surprise and discomfort. “Three days ago, doesn't matter-”

“Yes it does!”

“Okay, maybe it does. What I mean to say is that I wasn't going to let him die on me. I wasn't going to let any of you die. Not as long as I am still alive-”

He yelped in pain as Nala hit him hard on an area not covered to much by wounds. “Which could have been now, you stubborn idiot!” she scolded. She was about to swat him again, but Sarabi stopped her.

Apparently, the zebra found this amusing. “Queen Nala's right,” they said, “You did risk your life rather recklessly to saves ours. We're zebra! You eat guys like us! We die all the time you either you lions or hyenas, or some other predator. We are used to being hunted. Granted, we don't like it, but that's life!”

Simba shook his head. “No. I know what I was doing. I had to! For my friend!”

“What was his name?”

Simba was not expecting that question. “What?” He thought he already said his name. But on the other hand, he wasn't exactly in the clearest of minds right now.

Your friend's name? What was it?”

Simba sighed. “Oh. Zed. His name's Zed.”
[/quote]
Last edited by DGFone on September 4th, 2012, 9:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Remembrance of Zed

Postby Tacobell Lion » August 15th, 2012, 2:39 am

This was a pretty nice story! Could've used a stronger ending maybe( no offense at all :oops: ) but otherwise, a really good story! :)
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Re: Remembrance of Zed

Postby Azdgari » August 20th, 2012, 6:15 pm

Yaaaa! This was great storytelling, DF. I love that twist. That was brilliant. You did a lot of things right: the dialogue sounded realistic, and the characterization was almost completely spot on. Descriptions were perfectly adequate, and the dynamic between Simba and the zebras was very believable. Above all it was a very interesting story, which is the most important part of any fic. Contrary to Tacobell, I liked the ending a lot. Raises a lot of questions while also closing out the story nicely. Normally I would be on your tail for not establishing setting in many parts, but it sort of gives it a dreamy feel which complements the way it jumps around.


The thing that stuck out to me critically was that the scene of Simba eating Zed felt off. It felt too fast for me, especially when Simba says:
[quote]Zed always told me how he wanted to be like me. Now he can be part of me...[/quote]
That just felt wrong, out of character. I can't see cub Simba going from grieving to deep wisdom over the course of a few seconds. He's eating his friend--I don't think he would be that quick to come to terms with it. I understand why it was so expedited, being for the contest and all, but since it was too long anyway, I would've fleshed that out a bit.

Great work, my man!
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Re: Remembrance of Zed

Postby DGFone » August 20th, 2012, 10:53 pm

Thanks, Az! :D Thank you both!

As for setting, it was supposed to have a dreamy feel to it, but mostly I did not establish the setting for a much more practical reason: doing so would eat up words while I was still trying to compress everything into the writing contest. By the time I realized that I might as well give up trying to compress everything, it was too late, and if anything, the ending, part of which is where Simba was dreaming, it would be to weird to suddenly start establishing the scenery all of the sudden. So for the sake of consistency of the story, I did not include setting.

As for the part where you had a problem with: That I can safely say suffered from "Writing Contest Hyper-Compression" and lost a lot of detail because of that. As in, when I was writing it, I was cringing at how much I had to leave out or delete for the sake of compression. (You may notice that this scene was included in the writing contest version). What I had in my mind was not Simba suddenly learning the lesson, but him thinking something along the lines of "what would Mufasa say?". So he himself did not really believe that bit of wisdom, as much as he still thought it so that he will be comfortable just enough to force himself to eat. Normally, Simba would not eat Zed if he can help it, but with his life on the line and everyone telling him that he had no other choice (except Sarabi), Simba knew that he had to convince himself somehow that it was alright to break his promise and eat his friend. So that bit of wisdom was his way of thinking "I really don't want to, but..."

Maybe a little bit later, I can try rewriting parts of the story to try and fix these problems: add more setting where it's not the dream sequence, and fix that dreadful error that is Simba's (not) learning a lesson.
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Re: Remembrance of Zed

Postby Azdgari » August 21st, 2012, 12:22 am

I would love to read it when you do!
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Re: Remembrance of Zed

Postby Tacobell Lion » August 21st, 2012, 4:00 am

Same!!!! :D
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Re: Remembrance of Zed

Postby TheBlackCatCrossing » September 3rd, 2012, 4:06 am

Okay, I know you said you were editing, but I still wanted to congratulate you on a wonderful story. When I read the abridged version, I actually gasped and was shocked. It's a very dark fic, but at the same time it was very sweet. You have no idea how good it feels to read a fic like this after the waste I have seen in other places. I could hear James Earl Jones speaking when you wrote Muffy's bit and I love how you wrote the lionesses. I could totally see this as part of an LJ Chronicle, for older fans of course! I like how you realistically handled the 'circle of life' aspect. I mean, how do the zebras and other prey animals deal. Lastly, I love the 'treaties'. You perfectly incorporated some human elements and added them into the LK verse without making it look weird. Great job!
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Re: Remembrance of Zed

Postby DGFone » September 4th, 2012, 9:33 am

Version 3 is up! Just look inside the spoiler box in the first post. I hope you guys like it even better than the second version (which no longer exists). :)
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Re: Remembrance of Zed

Postby TheBlackCatCrossing » September 12th, 2012, 6:22 am

I like how you gave the lionesses especially Sarabi extra spotlight here. I liked how you went into the character's psychology. Good job!
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