Its Not In The Destination

[FlipMode]

Hi there, I am writing a new project. It is chapter based and is about the story of the main character and his brother, Kuron. You may notice that the main character is unnamed, there is reason for this. My aim with this is to be descriptive, and make the reader feel that they are this character themselves. It is a first person account of a journey, and I want - as you read the story for you to feel that you are this lion and that you have your own backstory and reasons for partaking this journey, I want each reader to pick up a slightly different experience from it, as if one had lost their memory and found a journal they wrote which documented the events and I hope I succeeded in that.

Through your journey you will have one single accomplice. Many challenges await you.
Begin your journey, now.

Chapter I: The Destination

Stepping forward in the blazing hot sun, destination unknown other than the Mandrill who had told us that we would find redemption there, that we would be welcomed into the pride with open arms. Me and my brother had left our previous pride, we both believed we were born for greater things. Don’t get me wrong, we had a pretty comfortable life, we had to ration our resources but there was enough to go around, call it greed if you will but we left in search of greater things than the life we were given.
There was never a sense that we had earned that life, the situation felt very akin to reaching the destination and missing the journey to get there.

So we left on our own journey, my brother joined me because he was the only one I could talk to about my thoughts and feelings and he agreed to accompany me, if only to at least make sure nothing bad happened to me. He was much stronger than I, do not get me wrong – I was fairly strong myself, but my brother who I looked up to more than anyone else I had ever met was beyond what I would define as strong. It was the perfect combination, my mind and athleticism with his strength would accomplish anything.

According to the mandrill, who told us his name was Rafiki, and who could forget such a character as him? From the wise words of wisdom, he surely was not lying “Between a rock and a hard place, your journey begins.” He riddled to us, after telling us of a place called Pride Rock, it sounded majestic and that we would finally be welcomed into a family after being accustomed to living with each other alone for months now.

But where was Pride Rock? How far were we from it I wandered as the two of us stepped further up the hill of sand in front of us, claws digging into the face for grip with each step as the relentless desert sun shone down on us as if someone was targeting us specifically with the rays. But we persevered to the top, and that is where I first saw it, the sun in the sky illuminated it, although it still seemed unimaginably far away, we could both see the landmark in the distance, ahead of the seemingly endless sea of golden sands was a bright green patch of land, with Pride Rock resting in the midst of it, it looked quite small from here but the size and beauty of it was still clear.

“Is that where we are heading?” My brother Kuron asked me? “It looks stunning.” He added. I nodded in response, still taking in the grand vista. Although our minds now were set on reaching the destination, we knew we still had a massive task ahead of us. Our eyes were focused on the mission ahead of us, and our minds set on the ultimate prize. We began our journey. And the first step, navigating these sandy hills was going to only be a learning curve for the greater challenges we were yet to face.

[UncoordinatedPisces]

I'm quite impressed Flip. You did a good job with the descriptive side of it. For me personally, I find it quite hard to read first person. Mainly because I'm not that used to it, but as far as feeling like the character his/herself, I say you did well. I'm looking forward to seeing more.

[FlipMode]

[quote="AmyMarie"]I'm quite impressed Flip. You did a good job with the descriptive side of it. For me personally, I find it quite hard to read first person. Mainly because I'm not that used to it, but as far as feeling like the character his/herself, I say you did well. I'm looking forward to seeing more.[/quote]

Yeah its not for everyone... Still, thanks for the kind words though ^^ glad you liked it. In fact the fact you liked it even though you have a bit of a problem reading first person makes me feel even more accomplished if anything =D

[UncoordinatedPisces]

^.^ No problems. I know good writing when I see it.

[Azdgari]

I oughta sue your ass for copyright infringement.

[FlipMode]

^ what the hell?! You can't sue me unless you can prove intent. Which I had none.
That's crazy though; the story is completely different and I just wanted a title that put an emphasis on the journey of the story and thought I had heard this saying before.... That must be where I had heard it. (Hasn't been a post in there for over a year) If its that big a deal, I will change the title as soon as I think of a better one for it.

Completely accidental man and I apologise for it.

[Azdgari]

Oh c'mon, you know me Fip. I'm completely kidding dude, not a big deal at all! I'm sure I'm not the first person to use that title anyway.

Oh, and I like the story! First person is very rare so I enjoy getting a chance to read some. The prose, especially that paragraph describing Pride Rock, reminds me of McCarthy--the very matter of fact style and especially those long long run ons. I'm sure some grammar nazi will try to shell you for it, but I think it's cool, man, especially in first person. It works. Watch for typos, though. There's a sprinkling here and there. Good stuff overall, though. Hardest part of writing is following through, so let's see what you come up with!

[FlipMode]

[quote="Azdgari"]Oh c'mon, you know me Fip. I'm completely kidding dude, not a big deal at all! I'm sure I'm not the first person to use that title anyway.
![/quote]

I figured, but I nonetheless wanted you to know it was a coincidence
Thanks for the feedback though! I'm hoping for a pretty long writing session later for this and the two writing contests so ill be sure to take it on board for both accounts.