I can't think of a title right now.... JUST READ! Lol.

I can't think of a title right now.... JUST READ! Lol.

Postby Nightstar75 » June 30th, 2009, 2:47 am

Well, I've been thinking of an odd story lately. ^^ And I had a live visual dream of one part last night. So I'll post it. I think acouple nights ago, I had a visual dream of my story, but it was like one of those Movie Trailer things. XD So ever since, I started thinking of this story. ^^ Ok. Here I go. I'll finish this part bit by bit today because I am SO busy. And when I get back from vacation, I'll start writing more. ;)
WARNING: I do write very badly XD Sorry. Well, it's not BAD writing. It's a different style. Sorry if you don't understand. ^^

But you know, I don't know how this belongs in Fan Fiction. But I don't have anywhere else to write my story, and it's not about TLK. But I post it here for people to see. :) Enjoy.

-------------------------

He walked in. In as slowly and possibly as he could, without making a sound. If one wrong move was made, she would awaken. Who knows what could happen then. He moved in slowly closer into the bedroom, the door shutting behind him, as he slipped into the pitch black room. The man approached the bed, and looked down at the sleeping beauty on the bed. Her brown hair covered her eyes, making it impossible to tell her status as "Awake" or "Asleep." But by the quiet lifeless noises she made, he knew he didn't awaken her yet. The words, the area he heard them in, they rang and flooded his head and thoughts.

The dark arena, only a desk and two chairs. One made at the desk, and himself sitting at the chair presented before it. The only lights came from torches lighting the long hallway into the room. The other man, dark and mysterious, his long black dread locks covering most of his face. And the words he only spoke rang through his head.


Find her, and kill her.

The point of him killing her was never made clear, but with his mission in his head, he had to do what was done. As he approached the girl, she turned, and slowly opened her sleepy eyes to see the man before her. But she did not back away, she only smiled, her white smile and her very pretty blue eyes were just breathing taking, she did have that cute young girl charm.

"Lucis, my friend." She said with a yawn. "What are... you doing up? And at this hour of time."

Lucis couldn't think of an excuse. If he told her what he was really doing, he would have to kill her then and now. No way could he do such a thing. But hs mission was to do as such.

"Oh... Hey Hana. I-I..." Lucis studdered, then jerked up as he had an idea. "I came in here to tell you goodnight, and to wish you good rest." He nodded and hoped it worked.

Hana slowly sat up, and looked around, her sleepy look slowly wearing off. "Y-You came to see me? What a surprize. I thankyou. Do you want to stay?" She asked him.

Lucis was happy she fell for it, but now he had to find a way to get rid of her now. Keep her quiet.

"Umm...Well, I can't now. You should get some rest. Maybe tomorrow we'll--" Lucis started to say, but was cut off.

"Perfect! We can hang out tomorrow then!"

"S-Sure. Of course we can. What would you want to do then?" Lucis questioned. Aslong as she was entertained and kept at bay, this plan might of worked.

"I would love it if tomorrow, you came out with me tomorrow. At night. Star gazing is so peaceful." Hana replied, and layed back down on her side, back to Lucis.

"That's it? Just star gazing?"

But she was already asleep. Lucis watched the sleeping child take her last times awake slowly, the fall into slumber. Guilt swept over him like a storm. How could he kill something so sweet as this little girl?

Sure, she knows alot now, but how can I KILL her?

The thought poured in his head. But his mission MUST be completed. Lucis raised the knife as soon as he knew the little girl was asleep. If he didn't kill her, he would be thrown out of the orginization for good, or even worse. Death. But if he DID kill her, how could he deal with the knowledge he killed the girl he ignored for so long?

Please forgive me...

And blood flew all over the room. Hit Lucis. Hit the wall and the floor, staining them both.



Summary of this:

Ok, I know it's hard to understand, but this is what is gonna go on and what happened. :P

Lucis is part of a dark orginization, and trust me, they know things. But because of Hana (Who isn't little, she's about 13-14) she followed Lucis to one of their mieetings and the head master found out. He had Lucis to kill the girl. Now, Lucis ignores Hana. Which is why she followed him, to get his attention and to see where he was going. When he went in the room, he did end up killing her. XP But his guilt comes in later. I'll right another chapter soon. Lol. ^^
Last edited by Nightstar75 on June 30th, 2009, 6:45 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: I can't think of a title right now.... JUST READ! Lol.

Postby Mike » June 30th, 2009, 5:05 am

Dark and mysterious, and it's a promising start =) If you'd like any feedback I'd sat that it could use some more background and development. It feels like this is already the climax =0
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Re: I can't think of a title right now.... JUST READ! Lol.

Postby Nightstar75 » June 30th, 2009, 5:34 am

I would love some feedback! ^^ Lol, your good, this is the climax, I have the beginning and the end kinda planned out, but this was easier to write. XD Btw, you want to help with feedback? I need a female's name. I never came up with a name for the main lil girl *points up to the story*
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Re: I can't think of a title right now.... JUST READ! Lol.

Postby Nightstar75 » June 30th, 2009, 6:03 am

Oh yeah, it doesn't have background yet because I'm not done with this part. And your not supossed to know anything yet. I haven't started at the beginning. I'm gonna finish writing this part now. But I couldn't finish when I started, because we were gonna watch a movie, which we did. ^^
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Re: I can't think of a title right now.... JUST READ! Lol.

Postby Mike » June 30th, 2009, 6:36 am

hokay lol =) and I'd be happy to give you feedback on anything. Here's a name generator if you're interested. It could get you started looking for names.

http://www.rinkworks.com/namegen/

they're all very fantasy-oriented, but maybe you'll find something you like. =)
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Re: I can't think of a title right now.... JUST READ! Lol.

Postby Nightstar75 » June 30th, 2009, 6:40 am

^^ Thanks for the name genorator. I'll use it.
YAY! It hs Japanese names! ;) *loves Japan*

Lol *huggle* I'm glad you'll give me feedback, it's sweet of you. ^^ :)
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Re: I can't think of a title right now.... JUST READ! Lol.

Postby Nightstar75 » June 30th, 2009, 6:43 am

EDIT: The girls name shall now be Hana. But I don't wanna go back and edit it right now. XD I will later. ^^ Ok, so the story is about a guy named Lucis and a girl named Hana. ;)
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Re: I can't think of a title right now.... JUST READ! Lol.

Postby KiarasMate » July 1st, 2009, 4:34 am

lol, that was a pretty powerful intro to what I'm sure will turn out to be an amazing story Kirstin. ^^ Even though it doesn't have any of the typical things that I usually look for in a story, I still found it to be very interesting. It's been a long time since I've read any kind of mystery/horror story so this should be a nice change of pace for me. ^^ Hope you'll really continue to write more and I look forward to reading more as you post it. ^^ I feel bad for the girl though. >.> Funny, she got a name after she was dead. lol. ^^ Well, it works for celebrities so why not Hana. hehe. :) Keep up the amazing work my friend. ^^
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Re: I can't think of a title right now.... JUST READ! Lol.

Postby Nightstar75 » July 1st, 2009, 5:10 am

Lol, sorry it didn't have alot of things you see in a normal story. ^^ I wore this in like 10 minutes, including the edits (Yes, I write FAST, but I have to, it's natural) You know I felt bad for Hana too. :oops: I just couldn't think of a name! I took Hana from a Japanese name which was too long to type out, so yesh. ^^ Lol, it's supossed to be a suspence/horror kinda thing, so I'm glad you might like it. I'm hoping you'll like it KM. ^^ :) I think I'll write some of the beginning when I get back from Europe. :P Since this is part of the middle. Still glad you might have a shot of liking this, for it is not anything related to TLK. :innocent: I shall write when I get back. :P Teehee.
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Re: I can't think of a title right now.... JUST READ! Lol.

Postby KiarasMate » July 1st, 2009, 11:55 pm

Ahh, I'm sure I will Kirstin. ^^ Hope you have a wonderful trip my friend and looking forward to reading more of this story once you get around to writing it. :) Maybe you can do some writing on the flight there, assuming you're flying there that is. lol. :)
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