Oh, and I want to point out that I just threw this together. I'm not sure if I will really ship any of the ponies, and if so, I'm not sure who. This is just a thing. Yeah.
On to the story?
Dreams of Happiness: show
The darkness was nearly all-consuming. One tiny spec of light could be seen emanating from a lamp's dying bulb in the corner of the room. Its fading rays did not reach the crying pony on a bed nearby, nor did they illuminate the setting around her. All the fighting last glimmer of light did was keep that impenetrable blackness from descending upon her with its full force. In her state of despair, the pony rocked back and forth, her eyes shut, a hoof placed against her forehead while the other foreleg curled tightly around her hindlegs, hugging them to her chest, feathered wings over them protectively.
Even though the light was still fighting, it could very well be too late.
This was so unlike her, this deep, dark, secret depression. She hid it from everypony, because they wouldn't understand. They couldn't understand. She was bold, and confident, and headstrongㅡthis bawling lump of patheticness was not her. It could not be her. She was Rainbow Dash; she wasn't somepony who was weak and easily reduced to tears. The thought only brought about another crushing bout of sobbing as she reflected on how low she had sunken.
She didn't understand why she had this problem, did not, in fact, want to accept that the problem existed. However, this morning, the usually energetic pegasus mare didn't even feel like getting out of bed. And so she hadn't. She'd remained in place, sobbing to herself, never feeling hunger or physical needs, and so in place she'd remained. Her sobs had gone dry hours ago, and she was having trouble breathing due to her state of dehydration, but still, in bed she stayed.
She had no idea how long she'd lain there, but after some amount of time, there was a knock at her door. She didn't answer, simply rolled in that direction, to squint at the door, the lamp's light was dimmer than ever and with the windows all covered, she couldn't see a thing out there. The knock repeated, and was then followed by a soft voice.
"R-rainbow Dash? Are you there?"
Scowling, the rainbow-maned pegasus flopped back over dramatically and shouted, as loudly as she could manage as dehydrated as she was, "Just go away, Fluttershy!"
"Oh... okay."
She barely heard the response, but then there was silence, and she knew Fluttershy had gone. Frustration welling up inside her, she lashed out with one hindleg, forcefully kicking the footboard and sending blankets sprawling to the floor. She wanted so badly to have somepony to talk to, but how could she tell them how she was feeling? They wouldn't get it... maybe if it were Rarity or Fluttershy they'd understand this behavior, but it wasn't. It was her, Rainbow Dash. She wasn't a pansy, and she wasn't a crybaby. So what was she doing shutting herself up and crying like this?
Nopony would believe she was really upset, would they? There wasn't anything that could be seen that could be causing her to feel this way. They'd have to know what was inside herㅡthey'd have to see in her heart and mind, see the aching and the longing for something more, something grand... She'd just look like she was complaining over nothing, wouldn't she? They wouldn't see things from her side, they'd only see her being selfish and overreacting.
Knocking. Again with the knocking.
"Fluttershy I told you to leave me alone!" she shouted.
"Rainbow Dash, it's Twilight. You need to open up! You need to let us in, we're your friends!" came the response.
"No! I don't want to talk! Just go away Twilight," she snapped.
"Hey come on, we'll have a party to cheer you up!" Pinkie Pie's voice added. Rainbow groaned.
"NO! I don't want a party, Pinkie."
"Rainbow, we just want to talk. Whatever's bothering you, we'll help you get through it. That's what friends are for," Twilight entreated.
"You can't help me this time Twilight... none of you can..." the blue mare replied forlornly.
"Why not? Just talk to us sugarcube!" Applejack added in.
"Fluttershy, did you bring everyone back when I asked to be alone?!" Rainbow Dash shouted. She didn't hear if Fluttershy responded, but she did hear the others trying to comfort the other pegasus pony.
"Yes she did bring us all," Twilight Sparkle replied after a moment, "Because we're your friends and she was worried about you. We all are worried about you. This isn't like you to be shut up in here like this instead of, you know, racing through the sky and being... well '20% cooler' than the other ponies."
"I know, I know. But I just can't talk about it. You wouldn't understand. None of you would. And I couldn't talk about it to all of you anyway. So it's just better if you all go away! Your lives are waiting down there in Ponyville," she stubbornly continued. The exchange continued for a while, but eventually, Rainbow Dash found herself too exhausted and blue to keep answering. The other ponies kept trying to talk to her after that, but finally Twilight sighed.
"Come on, girls... we're not going to get through to her right now."
And then silence resumed, and the pegasus, in fetal position on her bed, felt their absence heavily, hanging her head, as the lamplight died out and left her in total darkness. If only they could understand her feelings. If only they could understand what she couldn't fully comprehend herself.
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When finally her physical needs demanded taking care of, Rainbow Dash sluggishly dragged herself out of bed and tended to them. Unable to continue to seclude herself in this way, the mare cautiously opened her door and peeked outside. There was no sign of anypony around, the dusky atmosphere lending to her cause as nearly everypony would be inside at this hour, getting ready for bed. She dropped from the clouds, flying towards Ponyville at a speed any pegasus could muster so as not to draw too much attention to herself. Maybe in the dark nopony would realize it was her.
When she had finally reached Twilight's library, she landed softly outside the door and knocked. When she didn't get an immediate answer, she lifted a hoof impatiently and rapped on the door again, and again until it opened and a disheveled Twilight appeared.
"Rainbow Dash, what are you doing here so late? Spike is asleep, and so was I..."
"I'm sorry, Twilight, but I need to talk to somepony. It's important."
"Okay, what is it?"
And so, the pegasus pony related her troubles to her smartest friend. The unicorn listened carefully as her friend told her all about the feelings of misery and sorrow she was experiencing for wont of this dream life of hers, of the sadness she felt when she thought about how her friends would feel. She told of how deeply and thoroughly she knew it wasn't possible and that she should be happy with all that she had, but that she couldn't help but feeling down. It was such an all-consuming feeling. She didn't want to be living the same life she always had been. She wanted to be racing through the skies on a brand new adventure, with a very special somepony.
"There's nothing wrong with wanting a special somepony," Twilight replied at last, "We'll all understand that. If you find the right stallion, of course you'll be able to have that life you want. And it doesn't mean you have to leave your friends or anything either. We'll always still be here for you, and I'm sure if you ever get married, Pinkie Pie would love to throw the party, and Rarity would be honored to make you a dress."
"Rarity...!" Rainbow Dash wailed, flopping onto the table dramatically. She clapped her hooves to her head and groaned before slamming them down on the table Twilight was leaning on. The unicorn raised an eyebrow as Rainbow Dash flailed for a moment.
"Are you okay, Rainbow?" she asked.
"Oh Twilight, you don't understand! There is somepony who is already very special to me... but that pony won't ever fly, and I doubt they'd be my special somepony."
"Oh... he's not a pegasus then.... Well, that's not a problem, is it? You don't have to fly around with your special somepony! I'm sure he'd be glad to be with you, who wouldn't be? You're awesome!" Twilight encouraged her friend with a smile.
"Well, I don't know Twilight. I mean, I am awesome, everypony knows that. But this unicorn is... is not really into awesomeness all that much, more like... um, you know, other stuff," Rainbow tried to explain.
"Well who is it? You can tell me. I'm your friend."
"Yes, but you're her friend too!" the pegasus blurted out. When she realized what she'd said, she flew up to Twilight's bed and hid her face beneath the pillow. In the meantime, Twilight's eyes had widened in surprise.
"You want Rarity to be your special somepony?" she asked, not quite believing it. Who else could Rainbow Dash have meant though? Rarity was a unicorn, as Rainbow had mentioned, and she was their friend, and that would explain this odd behavior, to a degree.
Discarding the pillow and beginning to soar about the room like a trapped fly, Rainbow Dash continued, "What should I do? Somepony like Rarity isn't going to want to be my special somepony! She's always fantasizing about her prince charming, and everypony knows Spike has a crush on her, it would destroy him if she did accept me, which she won't! I'm too...too... too much of a ruffian for her!"
"Calm down, Rainbow, you'll wake up all of Ponyville and then it won't be a secret anymore. Stop that pacing and try to take deep breaths and relax. Listen, the only thing you can do is to talk to Rarity. I don't know how she'll react, but neither do you, maybe it will be a good reaction?"
"I appreciate the thought Twilight, but I doubt I'm regal enough... or princey enough for her."
"She's right, Twilight. Rarity is already going to be going out with me in a few nights; she's not interested at all in Rainbow Dash," Spike suddenly added, almost matter-of-factly
With fresh tears forming in her eyes, Rainbow Dash shot out the door like a bullet and back to her home in Cloudsdale. She left in too much of a hurry to learn, as Twilight did, that Spike had made it up out of jealousy upon hearing Rainbow's dilemma. She didn't find out that there was still hope, and she never brought the subject up again, not to anypony. From then on, she spent the days acting like her normal self so that nopony would worry. But when she was alone at home, the mare would wrap herself up in her wings and cry the most sorrowful tears a pony ever did cry.
Even though the light was still fighting, it could very well be too late.
This was so unlike her, this deep, dark, secret depression. She hid it from everypony, because they wouldn't understand. They couldn't understand. She was bold, and confident, and headstrongㅡthis bawling lump of patheticness was not her. It could not be her. She was Rainbow Dash; she wasn't somepony who was weak and easily reduced to tears. The thought only brought about another crushing bout of sobbing as she reflected on how low she had sunken.
She didn't understand why she had this problem, did not, in fact, want to accept that the problem existed. However, this morning, the usually energetic pegasus mare didn't even feel like getting out of bed. And so she hadn't. She'd remained in place, sobbing to herself, never feeling hunger or physical needs, and so in place she'd remained. Her sobs had gone dry hours ago, and she was having trouble breathing due to her state of dehydration, but still, in bed she stayed.
She had no idea how long she'd lain there, but after some amount of time, there was a knock at her door. She didn't answer, simply rolled in that direction, to squint at the door, the lamp's light was dimmer than ever and with the windows all covered, she couldn't see a thing out there. The knock repeated, and was then followed by a soft voice.
"R-rainbow Dash? Are you there?"
Scowling, the rainbow-maned pegasus flopped back over dramatically and shouted, as loudly as she could manage as dehydrated as she was, "Just go away, Fluttershy!"
"Oh... okay."
She barely heard the response, but then there was silence, and she knew Fluttershy had gone. Frustration welling up inside her, she lashed out with one hindleg, forcefully kicking the footboard and sending blankets sprawling to the floor. She wanted so badly to have somepony to talk to, but how could she tell them how she was feeling? They wouldn't get it... maybe if it were Rarity or Fluttershy they'd understand this behavior, but it wasn't. It was her, Rainbow Dash. She wasn't a pansy, and she wasn't a crybaby. So what was she doing shutting herself up and crying like this?
Nopony would believe she was really upset, would they? There wasn't anything that could be seen that could be causing her to feel this way. They'd have to know what was inside herㅡthey'd have to see in her heart and mind, see the aching and the longing for something more, something grand... She'd just look like she was complaining over nothing, wouldn't she? They wouldn't see things from her side, they'd only see her being selfish and overreacting.
Knocking. Again with the knocking.
"Fluttershy I told you to leave me alone!" she shouted.
"Rainbow Dash, it's Twilight. You need to open up! You need to let us in, we're your friends!" came the response.
"No! I don't want to talk! Just go away Twilight," she snapped.
"Hey come on, we'll have a party to cheer you up!" Pinkie Pie's voice added. Rainbow groaned.
"NO! I don't want a party, Pinkie."
"Rainbow, we just want to talk. Whatever's bothering you, we'll help you get through it. That's what friends are for," Twilight entreated.
"You can't help me this time Twilight... none of you can..." the blue mare replied forlornly.
"Why not? Just talk to us sugarcube!" Applejack added in.
"Fluttershy, did you bring everyone back when I asked to be alone?!" Rainbow Dash shouted. She didn't hear if Fluttershy responded, but she did hear the others trying to comfort the other pegasus pony.
"Yes she did bring us all," Twilight Sparkle replied after a moment, "Because we're your friends and she was worried about you. We all are worried about you. This isn't like you to be shut up in here like this instead of, you know, racing through the sky and being... well '20% cooler' than the other ponies."
"I know, I know. But I just can't talk about it. You wouldn't understand. None of you would. And I couldn't talk about it to all of you anyway. So it's just better if you all go away! Your lives are waiting down there in Ponyville," she stubbornly continued. The exchange continued for a while, but eventually, Rainbow Dash found herself too exhausted and blue to keep answering. The other ponies kept trying to talk to her after that, but finally Twilight sighed.
"Come on, girls... we're not going to get through to her right now."
And then silence resumed, and the pegasus, in fetal position on her bed, felt their absence heavily, hanging her head, as the lamplight died out and left her in total darkness. If only they could understand her feelings. If only they could understand what she couldn't fully comprehend herself.
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When finally her physical needs demanded taking care of, Rainbow Dash sluggishly dragged herself out of bed and tended to them. Unable to continue to seclude herself in this way, the mare cautiously opened her door and peeked outside. There was no sign of anypony around, the dusky atmosphere lending to her cause as nearly everypony would be inside at this hour, getting ready for bed. She dropped from the clouds, flying towards Ponyville at a speed any pegasus could muster so as not to draw too much attention to herself. Maybe in the dark nopony would realize it was her.
When she had finally reached Twilight's library, she landed softly outside the door and knocked. When she didn't get an immediate answer, she lifted a hoof impatiently and rapped on the door again, and again until it opened and a disheveled Twilight appeared.
"Rainbow Dash, what are you doing here so late? Spike is asleep, and so was I..."
"I'm sorry, Twilight, but I need to talk to somepony. It's important."
"Okay, what is it?"
And so, the pegasus pony related her troubles to her smartest friend. The unicorn listened carefully as her friend told her all about the feelings of misery and sorrow she was experiencing for wont of this dream life of hers, of the sadness she felt when she thought about how her friends would feel. She told of how deeply and thoroughly she knew it wasn't possible and that she should be happy with all that she had, but that she couldn't help but feeling down. It was such an all-consuming feeling. She didn't want to be living the same life she always had been. She wanted to be racing through the skies on a brand new adventure, with a very special somepony.
"There's nothing wrong with wanting a special somepony," Twilight replied at last, "We'll all understand that. If you find the right stallion, of course you'll be able to have that life you want. And it doesn't mean you have to leave your friends or anything either. We'll always still be here for you, and I'm sure if you ever get married, Pinkie Pie would love to throw the party, and Rarity would be honored to make you a dress."
"Rarity...!" Rainbow Dash wailed, flopping onto the table dramatically. She clapped her hooves to her head and groaned before slamming them down on the table Twilight was leaning on. The unicorn raised an eyebrow as Rainbow Dash flailed for a moment.
"Are you okay, Rainbow?" she asked.
"Oh Twilight, you don't understand! There is somepony who is already very special to me... but that pony won't ever fly, and I doubt they'd be my special somepony."
"Oh... he's not a pegasus then.... Well, that's not a problem, is it? You don't have to fly around with your special somepony! I'm sure he'd be glad to be with you, who wouldn't be? You're awesome!" Twilight encouraged her friend with a smile.
"Well, I don't know Twilight. I mean, I am awesome, everypony knows that. But this unicorn is... is not really into awesomeness all that much, more like... um, you know, other stuff," Rainbow tried to explain.
"Well who is it? You can tell me. I'm your friend."
"Yes, but you're her friend too!" the pegasus blurted out. When she realized what she'd said, she flew up to Twilight's bed and hid her face beneath the pillow. In the meantime, Twilight's eyes had widened in surprise.
"You want Rarity to be your special somepony?" she asked, not quite believing it. Who else could Rainbow Dash have meant though? Rarity was a unicorn, as Rainbow had mentioned, and she was their friend, and that would explain this odd behavior, to a degree.
Discarding the pillow and beginning to soar about the room like a trapped fly, Rainbow Dash continued, "What should I do? Somepony like Rarity isn't going to want to be my special somepony! She's always fantasizing about her prince charming, and everypony knows Spike has a crush on her, it would destroy him if she did accept me, which she won't! I'm too...too... too much of a ruffian for her!"
"Calm down, Rainbow, you'll wake up all of Ponyville and then it won't be a secret anymore. Stop that pacing and try to take deep breaths and relax. Listen, the only thing you can do is to talk to Rarity. I don't know how she'll react, but neither do you, maybe it will be a good reaction?"
"I appreciate the thought Twilight, but I doubt I'm regal enough... or princey enough for her."
"She's right, Twilight. Rarity is already going to be going out with me in a few nights; she's not interested at all in Rainbow Dash," Spike suddenly added, almost matter-of-factly
With fresh tears forming in her eyes, Rainbow Dash shot out the door like a bullet and back to her home in Cloudsdale. She left in too much of a hurry to learn, as Twilight did, that Spike had made it up out of jealousy upon hearing Rainbow's dilemma. She didn't find out that there was still hope, and she never brought the subject up again, not to anypony. From then on, she spent the days acting like her normal self so that nopony would worry. But when she was alone at home, the mare would wrap herself up in her wings and cry the most sorrowful tears a pony ever did cry.
