[quote="Lyoko3454"]Please check me.[/quote]
Lulwhut?
Huh, surprised this is still here. Aaanyhoo I guess I should mention that I have been working on the second/third parts and I'll post them soon.
Captivity
43 posts
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Re: Captivity
by Dutch » May 25th, 2010, 7:21 am
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Dutch
I'm Rockandi
- Posts: 293
- Joined: December 30th, 2009, 5:55 am
- Location: Maryland
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Re: Captivity/ Crossing the rubicon
by Dutch » June 2nd, 2010, 6:59 am
Finally I've gotten around to it, here's the second part of the story which is titled "Crossing the rubicon". Hope y'all like it. I'm also gonna edit the front page with some info on the characters in a little bit.
Chapter one: Surveillance
It was a mind-numbingly, teeth-nashingly boring job. Every day it seemed that the battered, lonely wolf did the same thing. It would wake up and then go to the edge of its territory to watch the sunrise and just stare for hours with a blank, emotionless face. Then it would spend the day just lying in snow drifts or sniffing around what it thought was its territory. It seemed like the wolf was looking for something, but it obviously had no idea where to start.
One week ago:
Moon and two other members of his pack had finally reached the silver-tail territory after traveling for days. Exhausted, they perched themselves on top of the biggest hill they could find and looked down on the silver-tail territory knowing that their work would be cut out for them. They were days away from their mountain dens, and they couldn't return until they found some answers.
They didn't know all of the details but their leader told them that there may have been a major pack war recently and they were to investigate the area to find out exactly what happened to not only the silver-tail pack but also the snowy river pack since they had both dropped off the face of the earth at the same time. Moon and his friends thought that they wouldn't be able to find anything in this wasteland of death on the first day, but on the next morning while searching the outer edges of the territory they saw Star, who had just gotten to watch the sunrise again.
Since then they had been taking turns and discretely watching Star, so as to figure out why he was all alone there and what business he had. They were sure that Star had no idea they were there.
Present
It was Moon's turn to watch Star again, and Moon couldn't be more bored. He felt like they should stop watching the battered wolf and take immediate action. The other two wolves didn't seem to notice but Moon couldn't help but think that the battered wolf knew he was being watched and was acting too normally. The thought would nag Moon several times throughout each and every day; but Moon would just shrug them off.
Star had been waiting for his chance to strike and he was going to do it today. He had been biding his time until he knew just when the wolves that were watching him would change shifts and how he could get the upper hand on them. His imprisonment had given him a new edge, and when he figured out that he was being spied upon he got back the will to live and find out what happened to his pack.
Every day he would do the same mundane tasks so that whoever was watching him would get bored and slip up eventually. What the wolves didn't know was that while Star was doing his daily routine he was really looking around his territory for anything that could let him know the truth. In his searching he saw plenty of trees and broken branches that had been beaten up, and in some places there were spots of dried wolf blood. He went into some of the dens to find that some looked like the wolf that lived there was going to return any minute. When he got to his den he felt the harsh reality of not knowing where his mate was. The den looked like it was disturbed so Star felt that whoever was in there might have gotten away before they met the same fate of the rest of the pack.
Star was walking in front of one of the ridges where he knew a wolf would be watching him. He wandered around in the area, making sure that the wolf could see him, while he looked for just the right set-up to execute his plan.
To Moon it seemed like the battered wolf was acting stranger than usually, like he knew that Moon could see him.
The wolf turned so that they could see each other, and winked with his right eye. Moon was taken aback and he stared shocked at Star, unable to move. Star bumped into the pine tree that was next to him, sending a large cloud of snow down; obscuring the view between him and Moon. Moon started to search frantically with his eyes, trying to relocate Star. He tried to not make much noise as he shuffled about, beginning to turn around.
Moon froze up in mid-turn.
He could hear the sound of heavy breathing right behind him.
Short chapter, but the others will be longer especially when there's dialogue.
Chapter one: Surveillance
It was a mind-numbingly, teeth-nashingly boring job. Every day it seemed that the battered, lonely wolf did the same thing. It would wake up and then go to the edge of its territory to watch the sunrise and just stare for hours with a blank, emotionless face. Then it would spend the day just lying in snow drifts or sniffing around what it thought was its territory. It seemed like the wolf was looking for something, but it obviously had no idea where to start.
One week ago:
Moon and two other members of his pack had finally reached the silver-tail territory after traveling for days. Exhausted, they perched themselves on top of the biggest hill they could find and looked down on the silver-tail territory knowing that their work would be cut out for them. They were days away from their mountain dens, and they couldn't return until they found some answers.
They didn't know all of the details but their leader told them that there may have been a major pack war recently and they were to investigate the area to find out exactly what happened to not only the silver-tail pack but also the snowy river pack since they had both dropped off the face of the earth at the same time. Moon and his friends thought that they wouldn't be able to find anything in this wasteland of death on the first day, but on the next morning while searching the outer edges of the territory they saw Star, who had just gotten to watch the sunrise again.
Since then they had been taking turns and discretely watching Star, so as to figure out why he was all alone there and what business he had. They were sure that Star had no idea they were there.
Present
It was Moon's turn to watch Star again, and Moon couldn't be more bored. He felt like they should stop watching the battered wolf and take immediate action. The other two wolves didn't seem to notice but Moon couldn't help but think that the battered wolf knew he was being watched and was acting too normally. The thought would nag Moon several times throughout each and every day; but Moon would just shrug them off.
Star had been waiting for his chance to strike and he was going to do it today. He had been biding his time until he knew just when the wolves that were watching him would change shifts and how he could get the upper hand on them. His imprisonment had given him a new edge, and when he figured out that he was being spied upon he got back the will to live and find out what happened to his pack.
Every day he would do the same mundane tasks so that whoever was watching him would get bored and slip up eventually. What the wolves didn't know was that while Star was doing his daily routine he was really looking around his territory for anything that could let him know the truth. In his searching he saw plenty of trees and broken branches that had been beaten up, and in some places there were spots of dried wolf blood. He went into some of the dens to find that some looked like the wolf that lived there was going to return any minute. When he got to his den he felt the harsh reality of not knowing where his mate was. The den looked like it was disturbed so Star felt that whoever was in there might have gotten away before they met the same fate of the rest of the pack.
Star was walking in front of one of the ridges where he knew a wolf would be watching him. He wandered around in the area, making sure that the wolf could see him, while he looked for just the right set-up to execute his plan.
To Moon it seemed like the battered wolf was acting stranger than usually, like he knew that Moon could see him.
The wolf turned so that they could see each other, and winked with his right eye. Moon was taken aback and he stared shocked at Star, unable to move. Star bumped into the pine tree that was next to him, sending a large cloud of snow down; obscuring the view between him and Moon. Moon started to search frantically with his eyes, trying to relocate Star. He tried to not make much noise as he shuffled about, beginning to turn around.
Moon froze up in mid-turn.
He could hear the sound of heavy breathing right behind him.
Short chapter, but the others will be longer especially when there's dialogue.
-
Dutch
I'm Rockandi
- Posts: 293
- Joined: December 30th, 2009, 5:55 am
- Location: Maryland
- Gender: Male
- Pride Points: 1
Re: Captivity
by Dutch » June 16th, 2010, 5:33 am
Okay, I've edited the very first post with a chart about how I named the characters so you can see how I made them. I've also added spoilers to the chapters here. Last but not least new chapter this week so look forward to it, my two readers XP.
Edit: Crap, I can't edit the first page because it's not my account anymore. So the chart with the names is just gonna go up on this post. I guess that means that I can't add spoilers to the chapters either
Here's how I made the names for the characters
Edit: Crap, I can't edit the first page because it's not my account anymore. So the chart with the names is just gonna go up on this post. I guess that means that I can't add spoilers to the chapters either
Here's how I made the names for the characters
Spoiler: show
-
Dutch
I'm Rockandi
- Posts: 293
- Joined: December 30th, 2009, 5:55 am
- Location: Maryland
- Gender: Male
- Pride Points: 1
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